HERE.

HERE. God, I’m so flippant.

BoA – Eat You Up

BoA
Eat You Up
(S.M Entertainment USA, 2008)

FIRSTLY ONCE MORE: School sucks donkey balls. I lied about the daily updating, mah badsss.

Anyenglishsongs, BoA is… back? Was she ever really gone? No? Yes? I don’t know. I’m going to be totally and completely honest, though. I have three BoA albums on my iTunes (OUTGROW, MADE IN TWENTY (20), THE FACE for those that are interested) but I have never listened to them. I can’t really classify myself as a hater, or a fan, mostly because I can’t formulate an informed opinion without actually knowing what I’m talking about.

So then… why am I writing a BoA post? Well… our lovely South Korean is going to be taking over the US.

Well… that’s what the fans are hoping for. And you know what, her English song, “Eat You Up,” is actually really good. Officially released on October 21st 2008, the CD single is out on November 11th. Produced by Bloodshy & Avant (”Toxic,” “Piece of Me” and other unnamed Britney Circus songs, as well as some long-awaited English stuff from Utada Hikaru), BoA’s English debut is a slicky produced pop/R&B song, typical of American radio – catchy, electronic and wonderfully slutty. Bunch it in with “Womanizer” (Britney Spears), “When I Grow Up” (Pussycat Dolls) and “My Love” (Justin Timberlake), and it fits so well. Sure, BoA has a slightly pronounced Asian accent, and that little detail will most likely deter listeners, but looking past that, it’s pretty good.

Know that Flo Rida (stupid pop-rap anthems “In The Ayer” and “Low”) is also going to be featured on the remix, but one wonders, does he really know who he’s rapping with? Or is he just going for some more money… meh. I don’t really mind him.

AWWWWWW, YEAH. -_-

The Asian version of the video, which I just saw, has some sick dance moves. Damn, I wish I could dance like that… she kinda turns me on. Very strange, indeed. But still, super-micro-ed waterdrops? Exploding glass a la Ayumi Hamasaki’s “is this LOVE?” PV? Falling, flaming chandeliers? Cheeeeeese. Let’s hope Diane Martel’s North American version looks better, but dances the same. But judging by the previews, it’s not going to be good. MAKE A BETTER VIDEO FOR A GOOD SONG!

SONG RATING:
♥♥♥½
I AM NOW A BoA FAN. ENGLISH-SPEAKING BoA.

Britney Spears – Womanizer

Britney Spears
Womanizer
(Jive, 2008)

FIRSTLY: My apologies for the super-long delay of updating. Spring and summer became total distractions. I had tons of fun, but now I’m back in school, so that means procrastinating! As we speaking, I’m writing this in class, my prof teaching us about the Russian Revolution. Highly interesting stuff, no lie. If anything, I will try to update everyday, because I am cool.

Wonderful news, all. The real Britney Spears comeback has begun.

Released today, Britney’s new single Womanizer is actual pretty fucking excellent. Sure, it could be the major bias I have for Britney, but at least I’m honest about that bias. And I’m sure I’m not the only Britney fan out there. I’ve been scouring blogs for days now, seeing so many “I WANT THAT NEW BRITNEY TRACK” complaints. Especially since Jive decided to push back the release date. Bitch move.

Yeah.

I do have to admit though, even through the wonderful danceability of Blackout, it was very… computerized. Robotic. Disconnected. Like each lyrics she sang was just computer-generated and altered to fit into whatever club-banging song she sang. “Gimme More” was the disco hip-pop stripper anthem. “Piece Of Me” was the electropop fuck-off song directed to the paparazzi (which won 3 VMA’s this year, and no, Britney did not buy off those VMA’s). “Break The Ice” had that… interesting anime music video [insert Ghost in the Shell joke here]. They were all great, but just a tad limp. Kinda like Madonna’s Hard Candy, which we will get into one day.

Anycomebacks, the stuttering beat of “Womanizer” is so epileptic, a huge mish-mash of “Toxic,” “Ooh Ooh Baby,” and “Freakshow” (for the fans!). It’s not really a return to old roots, which was predominantly pwned by super cheesy major pop. “Womanizer” finds Brit-Brit in a sexier, more adult, more electro environment – an artist’s progression, if you will. Producers by unknowns The Outsyders, a Georgia-based production team, Britney is setting her sights on indie producers, much like Madonna did with William Orbit and Mirwais Ahmadzai. The majorly catchy chorus (OH WOMANIZER!) dives into your head. Though not as strong as Rihanna’s ella-ella-eh-eh-eh, it’s around the same repetitive catchiness. Trust me, it’s good. This is exactly what Christina Aguilera is trying to do now. Sad for her though, because her single “Keeps Gettin’ Better” is actually pretty good.

Britney is also shooting the video for “Womanizer,” equipped with a handy black wigs, fishnets, fake tattoos and other Amy Winehouse-y items. There’s “erotic choreography,” whatever that means. Hope it’s not a trainwreck. Though I’m sure it won’t be.

SONG RATING:
♥♥♥♥
WOMANIZER IS FULL OF WIN!

Ayumi Hamasaki – Memorial address

Ayumi Hamasaki
Memorial address
(avex trax, 2003)

Sometimes short (and sticky?) and sweet is the way to go. When you have albums lasting for an eternity (interludes and skits, anyone?), fingers tend to find their way to the stop button. Anyone could be a culprit to this – Janet Jackson’s Discipline is a whopping 22 tracks. Even Ayu has suffers from the “too many tracks” syndrome. Actually, her studio albums tend to be hour-long endeavours. But at least her albums don’t drag (try sitting through Discipline all at once – you’ll go insane), which is why Memorial address, Ayu’s only mini-album, is simply brilliant.

Ayu’s never been the perfect soul, as most of her lyrics suggest a lost and hurting J-Pop star despite her music sounding like its had too many Fuzzy Peaches. The album title is a reference to her father leaving her and her mother when she was a child, a lyrical focal point in the angrier tracks off Memorial address. “Because of You,” in all its PV tackiness (prostitutes, crosses, rocker outfits and a river of milk), sounds great with the hard arena rock guitars and synth strings, paired with perfect harmonies and vocal effects. Personally, it’s one of my all-time favourite Ayu songs, being the first PV of hers I saw.

Pop tracks abound on Memorial address (“ANGEL’S SONG” and “Greatful days”). Don’t be surprised when they randomly pop-up on your DDR screens, they’re that type of songs, though they’re still very accessible when it comes to dancey J-Pop. But if you want gut-wrenching emotions, the bonus track “Memorial address” (strange how the title track is a bonus to the album named after it) is an emotional slap in the face.

“You have gone to the place where we can never meet again
I can’t accept the coldness of the eternal parting
I wish I could have heard from you
That I had certainly been loved by you
Only once, even if it had been a lie…”

I love it when things are short (that’s what she said). The conciseness of a mini-album can be astonishing sometimes, and Memorial address doesn’t have any filler songs at all. Every single track has star potential on whatever format Ayu would want to release it in. Then again, anything Ayu releases is successful, so kudos anyway. It’s literally perfect, but the CD art could use a little work. But that’s just me.

ALBUM RATING:
♥♥♥♥♥
FIVE PUNISHED ABANDONING FATHERS.

Ayumi Hamasaki – GUILTY

Ayumi Hamasaki
GUILTY
(avex trax, 2008)

There’s so much hype around GUILTY. First, there were the previews leaked around early December 2007, which fans and bloggers raged over (me included), declaring their favourite songs based on minute long songs. Then the album art came, along with predictions of going back to the Duty and/or MY STORY era. Then avex trax decided to release the statement that “ZOMG AYU’S DEAF IN ONE EAR,” which sent the J-Pop world reeling. Videos of Countdown Live 2007-2008 began surfacing, with Ayu singing amazingly off-key (check out the butchered “SURREAL”), when she’s always at the top of her game during the annual event. Fans, forums and blogs around the world wrote in their concern and support. Then Ayu herself made an appearance by posting a tearful message of hope on her blog, stating that she’ll continue to make music. All that and GUILTY didn’t even make #1.

Nevertheless, GUILTY is actually pretty excellent. There’s a seriousness to the album that hasn’t been found anywhere else – probably because GUILTY encompasses a very public break-up, being partially deaf and Ayu’s ten years in the music business. “talkin’ 2 myself,” “decision” and “(don’t) Leave me alone” are almost J-Rock songs, polished synth-rock with dark and noisy atmospheres, complete with walls upon walls of gritty guitars. “Where the hell do you have to go/To be able to find a true smile,” she asks in “talkin’ 2 myself,” a question reportedly directed to ex-hubby of seven years, Nagase Tomoya. “Marionette” is a must-listen, an unsettling but powerful song built upon a music box melody, somewhere along the lines of “alterna.`

Even the pop tracks on GUILTY are serious, two of the three being bittersweet odes to intimate relationships (“MY ALL” is about a two-sided loving relationship, while “untitled ~for her~” is dedicated to a dead woman). At least one mega-happy pop song still remains in the form of “glitter,” typical summer Ayu fanfare very much like “fairyland” or “BLUE BIRD.” Without the cheeriness of these songs, GUILTY would seriously be a downer of an album.

Loud pop/hard rock prevails on GUILTY, and fans of her angrier, aggressive side (like me!) will relish in most of the album’s tracks. The ones opting for the happier pop tunes of yesteryear won’t be too pleased, as “glitter” and “MY ALL” are the only real pop songs on here. So GUILTY is a matter of preference, though to fully appreciate it, you have to listen to it like a story. Apparently, Ayu did that, and she cried. If GUILTY manages to make even the album’s author bawl like a baby, then the album truly is an emotional milestone. Let’s just hope that the “SURREAL” incident doesn’t happen again.

ALBUM RATING:
♥♥♥♥♥
A PERFECT “SURREAL” PERFORMANCE!

Ayumi Hamasaki – Secret

Ayumi Hamasaki
Secret
(avex trax, 2006)

Have you ever heard Ayumi Hamasaki speak English? No? Well… it’s awkward, let me tell you that. She spoke English, as well as Japanese, to help promote her Secret album on a CNN International exclusive interview, explaining that “When you try to understand others, there is always a ‘you’ that you only know about… in this sense, there are secrets incorporated into this album.” Right, Ayu, as if we haven’t heard you bear your soul in song before. But if she insists on having more profound and gut-wrenching lyrical content on Secret, then let the tears start falling.

“I wonder if you will find the secret here/I wonder if you will believe the miracle here,” she coos, as the opening track ends and melds into “until that Day…,” a dance-rock thumper adorned with rolling electrics and clangy acoustic guitars. The influence of rock is unmistakable on Secret, as a few tracks follow suit with the loud guitars and drums (“1 LOVE” and “It was”). Channelling the spirit of Britney Spears “Toxic”-era comes “Startin’,” a punchy pop-rock masterpiece so layered, it listens like a movie. More pop tunes wave a cheery hello near the album’s end (“BLUE BIRD,” “Beautiful Fighters” and “Born To Be…”), bringing up the angry rock mood significantly.

Album centerpiece “JEWEL” is probably her most popular Secret song, thanks to variety show live performances and an eye candy music video. “If you come across deep sorrow/I wish you will share it with me/I’ll be able to do anything for the smile/My precious treasure,” she croons atop a poignant piano melody and feathery synths. Experimental Ayu openly comes out to play with the odd rocker “kiss o’ kill,” featuring a children’s choir and a grand church organ solo. The low-key title track “Secret” closes the album, melancholic and traditional-sounding, sporting a crisp, controlled vocal.

At face value, the album can be classified as “typical Ayu,” but then every song has one thing that makes it delectable, may it be church organ solos, twanging acoustic guitars in a techno-rock romp, or the essence of a more focused Brit-Brit. Look closely into Secret and you’ll see that every track is much deeper than it sounds, both musically and lyrically. Not only that, but we can definitely see where Ayu wants to go as an artist – rock music is the future of Ayumi Hamasaki.

ALBUM RATING:
♥♥♥♥♥
FIVE SMILING ENGLISH-FLUENT J-POP STARS!

Ayumi Hamasaki – A Ballads

Ayumi Hamasaki
A Ballads
(avex trax, 2003)

No one really likes remix albums nowadays, unless you’re a techno/house music junkie, in which most of your music collection is digitally enhanced for dance. Ayumi Hamasaki on the other hand, is the queen of the modern Japanese remix album. That being said, most of her remixes are pretty garbage. They’re usually generic, techno-heavy versions of otherwise awesome pop songs, most of which didn’t need remixing in the first place. Fans are occasionally treated to a few tasty house remixes, or the deliciously grand “acoustic orchestra” versions, but most of the time, Ayu’s remixers are paid for their time, not talent. But then comes A Ballads, marketed as a greatest hits package, but is more appropriately a great Japanese remix album, delightfully refreshing while still being fan-familiar.

“RAINBOW,” the serene, acoustic-driven opener, is an excellent number – a relaxing rock ballad, complete with breezy synths and pretty piano licks. Ayu reportedly read over a thousand fan-written lyrics to an early instrumental to the song, and wrote around their general thoughts and ideas – “No rain, can’t get no rainbow” being the prominent lyric to the song. End track “Sotsugyō Shashin” is a dreamy keyboard-led Matsutoya Yumi original, the first cover song to appear on any Ayumi Hamasaki album.

Though some songs remain exactly the same as their album versions (“HANABI,” “Dearest,” “Dolls” and “Voyage”), A Ballads presents some very satisfying remixes of otherwise momentous songs. “M” (a winter rock ballad and one of Ayu’s most memorable songs) and “appears” (a techno-lite thumper) are practically unrecognizable beneath producer HAL’s warm, ethereal ballad makeovers. “A Song for XX (030213 Session #2),” an early Ayu dance-pop single, is rearranged into live band bliss, boasting elegant piano riffs and gritty guitars. The Across The Universe mix of “Who…” sounds amazingly better than the original (considering this song is so classic), taking out the light R&B beats in favour for a more piano-led hymnal.

If you’re an Ayu fan and you haven’t listened to this, SHAME ON YOU. Despite being her lowest-selling album (not even selling one million copies in its chart run), A Ballads is seriously one of the better Ayumi Hamasaki albums out there; it’s so sadly underrated. This is exactly what a remix album should sound like, as A Ballads shows significant artistic and vocal growth, production talent and an excellent balance of song remixing and familiarity. Stop it with the techno and listen to this!

ALBUM RATING:
♥♥♥♥½
FOUR AND ½ LESBIAN AYUS MAKING OUT!

Ayumi Hamasaki – (miss)understood

Ayumi Hamasaki
(miss)understood
(avex trax, 2006)

Poor Jade Villalon got served! Snagging six of Sweetbox producer GEO’s best melodies, J-Pop mega-royalty Ayumi Hamasaki and producer-BFF Max Matsuura transformed shoddy demo production and cheesy English lyrics, originally meant for Villalon to sing, into gratuitous Japanese-language guilty pleasures enough for any pop princess’s lifetime. Admittedly, pop star life spans aren’t very long, but our beloved Ayu has been at it for over a decade – turning crap into gems is practically her job. Cranking out (miss)understood, which peaked at #1 on the Oricon and United World Charts, this is a total “in your face, Sweetbox” (their Addicted album, released three months later, barely sold 150 000 copies).

Every song on (miss)understood oozes vocal and lyrical confidence like a tasty jelly doughnut, but most especially the brazen and beautifully overproduced “Bold & Delicious.” She sings that “it’s better to shout/Don’t be scared/Move with me/With all your might,” coupled with a mighty declaration – “YA-YA-YA-YA/GA-GA-GA-GA/DA-DA-DA-DA/WO-WO-WO-WO!” And all the hardcore Ayu pop fans go “WTF?” Grouped in “Ladies Night” and “STEP you,” electropop-rock glitterati on dangerous amounts of caffeine and Prozac, we now know that when Ayu is enjoy, she is deliriously enjoy.

But all isn’t well in the world of J-Pop, demonstrated by the angry album centerpiece “alterna,” backed by a wall of loud crunchy guitars, furious percussion and vocoder-heavy vocals. “If you are afraid of changes/Watch me at a distance,” she screams in Japanese, lyrics reportedly directed at her power-hungry puppeteer record label, avex trax (who, by the way, basically owns the J-Pop scene). Add in the requisite sad wintry power ballad (“HEAVEN,” hailed as Ayu’s “My Heart Will Go On”), melancholic classic rock (“criminal”) and poignant album closer (“rainy day”), and you have your set of sad tunes to eat your mint-chocolate ice cream to.

To be honest, take away GEO’s compositions from (miss)understood and you’ll be left with an anorexic LP, in need of some serious BK burgers and Starbucks fraps. Even the original songs on the album pale in comparison to the polished-up pop goodness of the Sweetbox songs. GEO must have been really desperate for some green to give his best songs. Probably because Jade’s throaty English versions are crap. Congratulations Ayu, for making other people’s shit into your #1’s.

ALL YOUR SWEETBOX SONG ARE BELONG TO US:
“Bold & Delicious”
“Ladies Night”
“In The Corner”
“Pride”
“Beautiful Day” a.k.a. “Beautiful Girl”
“rainy day” a.k.a. “Every Step”

ALBUM RATING:
♥♥♥♥♥
FIVE SWEETBOX SONGS UP!